Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
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‘Tis The Season To Be Cheatin’

December 15, 2013

“Affluenza”: The new, legally tested excuse for doing whatever you want with all the money you cheat.

We Are Not All in This Together
: Uh… duh.

“The Selling of Attention Deficit Disorder”: Hey kids, first one’s free… Kids! Hey! (snap snap). Over here. Put that down, look over here! I said, pay attention! Guh. Just put this in your facehole.

Stories from the yacht of Representative Duke Cunningham: The elected official who sold out the troops for cash. He’s out of jail. Already. Crime does pay.

“Paradise of Untouchable Assets”
: Hint: It’s the Cook Islands. Hide your ill-gotten booty there. It’ll “cook” right up… Guh. Just put this in your facehole.

The Cheater Says: Just a few stories from this week. Enjoy your holidays. Before the New Year, please don’t forget to pretend to donate to a charity you own for the tax write-off.

Filed under: News — @ 8:00 pm

The Daily (Cheater) Show

December 5, 2013

“Hey, Cheater, why should we cheat?”
“Because a) it’s not illegal and b) even if you’re caught, no body will care.”
“Says who?”
“These clowns:”

Filed under: News — @ 1:04 pm

“Non” Profit$

October 29, 2013

Here’s a chart of all the nonprofit organizations who make millions by making money disappear.

The Cheater Says
: Magic! Just de-fund the enforcement agencies and the magic will spread… Sign up now!

Filed under: News — @ 10:05 am

The Infomerical

October 22, 2013

It’s why you’re here:

Filed under: Video — @ 5:37 am

13 Billion Cheats

JPMorgan Chase Settles MBS Conflict with Justice Department for $13 Billion

The Cheater Says: If they settled for $13 billion, imagine how much they actually cheated. Gotta be at least $200 billion, right? Geniu$.

Filed under: News — @ 5:33 am

$preading The Word

September 10, 2013

BusinessInsider offers Unethical Like Hacks (Part I, Part II) and a study finds that “Cheaters feel upbeat when no one gets hurt.

The Cheater Says: Looks like they stole my ideas. Cool by me. The more of us who cheat, the better, because they can’t catch us all.

Filed under: News — @ 7:14 am

Something a little different

September 7, 2013

In order to make even more money, The Cheater assumes his “Jeff Kreisler” character from back in the old TheStreet.com Funny Money days for a little market recap for Money Or Die:

The Cheater Says: I don’t like his my attitude.

Filed under: Video — @ 10:52 am

Couple Quick Gold-i-Cheats

July 22, 2013

Moving Aluminum Around, Skimming Off the Top
The Art – of Profit-Making – Institutes

The Cheater Says:
Common thread #1. Scams milking you and Uncle $am.
Common thread #2: Our hero, Goldman Sachs, owns both.

Filed under: News — @ 7:50 am

Get Rich Cha$ing

July 18, 2013

Chase, Once Considered “The Good Bank,” Is About to Pay Another Massive Settlement

The Cheater Says: This Rolling Stone article doesn’t need a controversial cover… it just lists all the awesome ways Chase gets rich cheating. Take some notes.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 10:36 am

Cheat Dump

May 15, 2013

The Cheater Says: Been busy counting money, so here are a few recent in$pirations…

• Enron’s Skilling Gets Out of Jail Early
• The Rich Have Gained $5.6 Trillion in the ‘Recovery,’ While the Rest of Us Have Lost $669 Billion
• Obama Nominates a Penny for Some Bucks
• Rich Manhattan moms hire handicapped tour guides so kids can cut lines at Disney World
• No Rich Child Left Behind
• See me on TV talking Sanford, Weiner, and other traditional cheaters finding “redemption”/a way to make more money.
• The awesome power of high-speed trading:

More $oon…

Filed under: News,Video — @ 6:11 pm

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