March 9, 2010
Lindsay Lohan Sues E-Trade for $100 Million
The Cheater Says: The suit is over the company’s Super Bowl commercial when a talking baby named Lindsay is a boyfriend stealing “milkaholic.” Ms. Lohan claims it was modeled after her and that… hold it… she’s got the same one-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.
Go on, gather yourself.
Ya see people, while such outrageous claims may make a $100 lawsuit frivolous (is the name “Lindsay” or “Li-lo” or “Past-Prime” or “Sign-of-Apocalypse”?), they’re probably worth about a $5 million settlement. Got Rich Cheating.
March 8, 2010
The Online Poker Cheating System
The Cheater Says: Straightforward and effective. I’m sure if you send him $49.95 your world will change. No, really, it will. $49.95. Why wouldn’t you trust a guy that uses a Unabomber-ish image and all caps?
March 5, 2010
Insider from ‘98 Bailouts Says the System Isn’t Better
The Cheater Says: Duh. Long-Term Capital begat Enron begat Countrywide begat Goldman, Merrill, & AIG begat… you?
March 2, 2010
Greece Collapse/Profiteering is Like Enron
The Cheater Says: You see, people? The lessons of cheating are eternal. Learn them now.
March 1, 2010
Book Details Spending of Wives of Lehman
The Cheater Says: Yes, ladies - and nowadays, fellas, too - you can always just marry into money. But, you know what they say, “Marry a rich man, you pay for it the rest of your life.” Or, wait, that’s not it. It’s, “Money kicks a$$.”
February 27, 2010
House Ethics Committee Says It’s OK to Give Lobbyists Millions in Contracts
The Cheater Says: Let’s go, people. Get on it. Lobbyists, Congressmen, bankers… Unite!
February 26, 2010
Wall Street Bonuses Rise 17%
The Cheater Says: Not good enough, people. Re-read the book and go make some real money. 17%? Pffft, I cheat that much in the shower.
Seriously, get on it. Ronald Reagan said it was Morning In America. Guess, what? It’s now Late Afternoon in America. Hurry up and get rich cheating, before the money trains stop running.
February 24, 2010
Mortgage Rescue Schemes On The Rise
The Cheater Says: Hmmm. More people taking advantage of those hurt by the housing market crash. A rise in the supply of false help for those hurt by a false rise in demand. I’ll re-word this several times over the next few days, or maybe make a graph. Point it, it’s awe$ome.
February 22, 2010
New Rules for Credit Cards Kick In Today
The Cheater Says: Okay, here’s a decent challenge. Read the changes above, and - for our fellow cheaters at the credit card companies - come up with two ways to get around each and at least three ways to cheat more money.
How’s about 3+% foreign transaction fees, raised annual fees for no reason, higher charge to vendors, locusts, hail, slaying of the first born… $ee! It’s fun!
February 20, 2010
Tiger: “I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply.”
The Cheater: Well, they don’t. You’re a cheater and you’re rich. This is why we Get Rich Cheating. The rules don’t apply because, for Great Cheaters like us, there are no rules. There is no spoon.*
* Someone let me know when a Matrix reference dates me. Thanks.
