Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
“Report Finds Catastrophic Failure By SEC In Stanford Ponzi Case”
The Cheater Says: Wow, the underfunded, unappreciated, and disrespected enforcement agents were outwitted by the rich, slick, connected cheater who probably made more each hour than they make in a year? You don’t see that every day. Oh, wait. Yes, you do.
3 H.P. Employees Arrested in Germany in Kickbacks Case
The Cheater Says: Arrested in Germany in case involving Russian bribes? Sorry, Volcanic ash… you can stop the cheating!
Succes$tory: Carly Fiorina – now running for U.S. Senate – ran H.P. during these alleged crimes. In fact, she ran it so poorly they fired her, but, as any Great Cheater would, she got a $21 million severance package… and she’s a girl! (A guy would’ve gotten $24.2M).
The Cheater Says: Hey Goldman, here’s a cheating tip, on the house (“first one’s free”).
Apply the 5 stages of grief:
DENIAL: “We don’t know what you’re talking about and we didn’t do it.”
ANGER: “We said We Didn’t Do It!!”
BARGAINING: “Oh, come onnnnn…”
DEPRESSION: “We’re upset you’d even think we did it.”
ACCEPTANCE: “It was Geithner!”
SEC Charges Goldman Sachs with Fraud
The Cheater Says: This is going to be awe$ome. Hey, Goldman, I’ve literally got a book full of advice for you, from denials to self-investigation, Congressional hearings, legal defenses, and faking your own death. Hire me as a cheating consultant. It’s a win-win!
p.s. I know what you can afford.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
The Cheater Says: Welcome, new friends. You wanna change your life? Buy the book and come here every day (restarting the daily cheats – news & tips – today)… You’ll cheat and, most importantly, get rich. You’re welcome.
Remember: If there are enough of us cheaters, they won’t be able to catch us all.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
The Cheater Says: Pffft. These clowns, er, puppets, clearly read my book, stole the content, then rushed to get on MSNBC before me. I’ll have the la$t laugh… Thursday, April 15, 4:45pm, on MSNBC. Tune in and see how it’s done.
The Cheater Says: Just back from Durham, where I spoke to a couple classes of MBAs at the Fuqua SOB (School of Biz). They’ve got bright futures as Great Cheaters. Thanks to Prof. Ariely for allowing me to prove his points / corrupt his kids.
Thursday! I’ll be talking cheating and taxes, live on MSNBC, 4:45pm, on the Dylan Ratigan show.
Thursday Night! Presenting the Get Rich Cheating seminar at Bentley University. They’re not as advanced as Fuqua-ers at Duke, but I’ll help them get there.
GE, ExxonMobile Among Those Poor Corps That Paid ZERO Taxes To The IRS
The Cheater Says: I cede my time to the Gentlewoman from New York…
Leona Helmsley Said: “We Don’t Pay Taxes. Only The Little People Pay Taxes”
The RNC Writes Off Wine as “Office Supplies” and Jewelry as “Meals”
The Cheater Says: Lap dances as “trouser maintenance”? I think I see a way out of Voyuer-gate…
The Cheater Says: Why is this cheat different from all other cheats? Because he got caught.
