Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
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Nobody Gets Puni$hed

February 26, 2011

Biggest Fish Face Little Risk of Being Caught

The Cheater Says: There are two le$$ons in this.
1. Go big, or go home. Small crime – like petty theft to feed a family – gets punished. Big crime – like scamming the country into ruin – doesn’t.
2. You might get caught cheating… but that doesn’t mean you’ll get punished cheating. In fact, getting caught cheating is just an opportunity to cheat even more. In China, the word “problem” is the same as the word “opportunity.”
We should listen to China: They have all our money.


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 5:57 pm



Cheat the hand that feeds you

February 21, 2011

Government Gave Programmer $20 Million for Non-Existent Work

The Cheater Says: Guy claimed he had software that could stop Al Qaeda. Government bought it. Guy spent money. Simple.


Filed under: News — @ 1:11 pm



The Promi$e of The Pen$ion

February 18, 2011

Ex-Aide to Hevesi Goes to Prison in Pension Fund Case

The Cheater Says: Why? Because he didn’t steal enough? You’re right, Judge, only steering half of the $10 billion specially assigned funds through his paid friends just wasn’t serious enough cheating. Shame on you, Hank Morris. Next time, scam the whole thing.
In for a nickel, in for $10 billion.


Filed under: News — @ 3:36 pm



Ma$ter of the Obviou$

February 16, 2011

Bernie Madoff says the banks “had to know”

The Cheater Says: Yeah, sure, but they also “had to profit.”


Filed under: News — @ 9:10 am



Late Fee Cheats

February 10, 2011

Library Worker Steals $160,000 from Late Fees

The Cheater Says: Wow. $160k from late fees? From a “library”? That’s real money, at least, it’s real enough to seed some substantive cheating. You could use that to, like, say, start a child care service to leech off the state or, maybe set up a “health care provider” to defraud Medicare… The opportunicheats are endless!


Filed under: News — @ 8:12 am



The Magical Cheatdom

February 7, 2011

Disney looking into the cradle for customers

The Cheater Says: What child doesn’t want to be stalked by a talking rat? They’re giving away free bodysuits to go along with Baby Einstein and hypnotic cartoons… Cheaters, it’s never to early to build brand loyalty / brainwash the innocent. Like my neighborhood drug dealer says, “First one’s free!”


Filed under: News — @ 10:24 am



DeCheatment of Defense

February 3, 2011

Pentagon Paid Billions to Firms Which Defrauded Clients

The Cheater says: No, no, no, let a Senator say it:

“The sad truth is that virtually all of the major defense contractors in this country for years have been engaged in systemic fraudulent behavior, while receiving hundreds of billions of dollars of taxpayer money.”

Sing it: War! Uhn! Wha-at is it good for? Dee-eefense contractors. I’llSayItAgain! War!


Filed under: News — @ 7:46 am



A Different Kind of Insanity Defense

February 2, 2011

Alberto Contador Gets Short Ban Because Bad Beef Made Him Test Positive

The Cheater Says: Bad beef? Why not? Sometimes, the craziest defenses win: Clemens “misremembered,” Tom Sizemore said the prosthetic penis found on him “wasn’t mine,” and Eve claimed that “the Snake made me do it.”


Filed under: News — @ 2:11 pm



Chinese Cheaters

February 1, 2011

Chinese Corporations Traded in the U.S. Lie, Manipulate, Exploit… And Make Billions

The Cheater Says: These companies fabricate their financials, regularly restate earnings, take advantage of conflicted-of-interest auditors, give unwarranted loans to their execs, prey on desperate and ignorant investors, and often aren’t even operational companies at all. Wow. I am sooooooo proud. Remember last April when a Chinese publisher bought “Get Rich Cheating”? It’s finally paying off… for everyone. U!S!A! U!S!A!


Filed under: News — @ 3:01 pm



Meet the Mets, Cheat the Met$

January 31, 2011

Mets Owners Love Them Some Ponzi Schemes

The Cheater Says: When seeking out victims for your scam, always look to the desperate and needy. Who might be more desperate, needy, pathetic, and rolling-in-Citibank-money-they-can’t-waste-fast-enough than NY’s forgotten team? No one… So, you won, dear cheaters.


Filed under: News — @ 2:05 pm



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