Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
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Barry Out On Bond$

April 13, 2011

Giants Slugger convicted only of one wee count… obstruction

The Cheater Says: Mistrial on the other, real counts of lying to a grand jury. “Obstruction of justice?” Pfft, community service, maybe tape a Charlie Crist -esque apology. Point is, once again, if you cheat yourself enough money, you might get caught… but you Will. Not. Get. Punished. In the cost-benefit analysis – weighing the risks v. the rewards – there is no cost, there are no risks. So, please, friends, go out there and Get Rich Cheating.


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 4:06 pm



It’s Good To Be The Cheat

March 25, 2011

Corporate Profits At All-Time High

The Cheater Says: The real economy is doing fine. I don’t know what all these “unemployed,” “hard-working” non-corporate “citizens” are complaining about. They could be a rich corporation if they wanted to. It’s easy.


Filed under: News — @ 4:07 pm



Trials and Tribucheations

March 24, 2011

Barry Bonds on trial
Raj Rajaratnam on trial
Wisconsin Politicians on trial

The Cheater Says: I know! I know! There’s a lot going on. Look, I’m in Reno, land of only the cheaters and cheated, doing some research. I’m busy! I can’t hand-hold all the cheaters through every step on their journey, I can’t weave every thread in the rich tapestry of their lives. Or can I? The whole third part of my book is called “What To Do If You’re Caught.” Buy it, read it, and stay rich cheating.


Filed under: News — @ 12:56 am



Power to the People, Inc.

March 16, 2011

RNC considers selling TV rights of presidential primary debates

The Cheater Says: Finally! Enough pretending. Let’s just directly sell the political process to the corporate media… then we can make some real money. (Also, great timing, doing this while everyone’s distracted with Japan.)


Filed under: News — @ 7:21 am



The Cheater’$ Perspective

March 14, 2011

CNBC’s Wise Man Says We Should Be ‘Grateful’ That Human Toll From Japan Quake Is ‘Worse’ Than Economic Toll

The Cheater Says: So true. With a strong enough economy, Japan can just buy replacement threads for the lost tapestries of life. Ahhhhh, Money. The root of all good.


Filed under: News — @ 5:43 am



Get Broadcasting Cheating

March 10, 2011

Tonight and every Thursday at 8pm, The Rude Pundit & I infiltrate the Progressive Radio Network James O’Keefe style to broadcast the Cheater and The Rude show.

The Cheater Says: We have no idea what this show is or will become, but you should join us and provide feedback. Here’s a Facebook page where you can offer suggestions for us to ignore.


Filed under: News,Shows — @ 8:20 am



Get Kissed Cheating

March 7, 2011

Wear this on St. Patrick’s Day:


The Cheater Says
: I promise you’ll sneak your way into many a drunken hearts and land many a sloppy kiss. For cheating continuity, best worn when married.


Filed under: News — @ 4:03 pm



Your Tax Dollars at Bwahahahaaaa

March 4, 2011

Indiana Secretary Of State Indicted On Voter Fraud and
Corporate Tax Revenues Nearing Historic Lows

The Cheater Says: So, basically, you cheat your way into power so you can cheat yourself rich… and then you blame teachers. (Teachers is just an anagram for Cheater after all).
Work$ for me.


Filed under: News — @ 12:36 pm



Friends in Low Places

March 2, 2011

Bonds’ Trainer Still Won’t Testify Against Him
… While Raj Rajaratnam’s Colleagues Can’t Wait to Spill The Beans

The Cheater Says: This ain’t about money – I’m sure Raj’s buddies made more off him than Bonds’ – it’s about loyalty.
Successful professionals are part of a great team. Successful cheaters exploit a great team. Make sure that you surround yourself with the most loyal accomplices available. From trainers to entourages, Congressional staffers, boards of directors, accountants, auditors, editors, boosters and even a complicit golf caddy… If you need them to metaphorically “warm up the getaway car,” make sure they’ll stay with the metaphorical car when you give them the metaphorical keys (unless you left them on the metaphorical nightstand again).


Filed under: News — @ 2:32 pm



$olidarity

February 28, 2011

Midwest Protests Drag On

The Cheater Says: Hey, Wisconsin, enough with the solidarity.
What’s Solidarity ever accomplished, except for a short stretch everyone hated my Polish jokes?
Forget togetherness: You wanna make it big? Go it alone. History’s heroes always left their group behind: Sting… Beyonce… Judas.
Face it, in America, it’s every man, woman-who’s-attractive-to-man, and child-who-can-afford-to-buy-healthcare-from-the-man for him/her/itself.
Only once you’ve gotten filthy rich can you get together – with your wealthy friends – to achieve great things: Tax breaks, no-bid contracts, and union-busting.
$olidarity.


Filed under: News — @ 5:24 pm



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