“I didn’t come here to debate the past.” – President Obama, seeking a new relationship with Cuba, April 17, 2009
“I’m not here to talk about the past.” – Mark McGwire, testifying about ‘roids, March 16, 2005
Uh oh…
Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
Costa Rich-a
April 16, 2009
According to Cynopsis, Ex-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich may end up starring in NBC’s summer reality series I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here if a federal judge allows him to travel to Costa Rica from where the show will originate.
The Cheater Says: Straight outta Part III of the book!
a. Use the fame from your cheating to reinvent yourself and get rich again (see Don Imus, Henry Blodget, Jason Giambi), or
b. Set up some cockamamee excuse to flee the country (when found in the ocean, HealthSouth’s Richard Scrushy claimed he was just yachting to Disney World… from Alabama). Brilliant!
You remember Blagojevich, right?
It’s a great day to cheat
April 15, 2009
The Cheater Says: Today is tax day, but, as Leona Helmsley said, “Only the little people pay taxes.”
So lie on your returns. Create fake expenses. Hide money in Delaware and Bermuda and “Special Purpose Entities.” Hire KPMG.
If folks as diverse as Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes can do it, so can you. You can’t spell “making millions by cheating on your taxes” without “cheating on your taxes.”
Remember: They can’t catch us all.
Her Majesty’s Secret Cheat
April 14, 2009
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s aide Damian McBride is in trouble for a smear campaign against the opposition.
This has a lot of great “Get Rich Cheating” action: Sex, lies, deceit, secrecy, cover-ups, denial, spin, and a Rovian reliance on a gullible public.
Unfortunately, it also has traceable emails and annoying reporters who obviously weren’t paid off properly, so it’s been stopped… but I bet they cheated themselves a lot of power and money before they were caught!
Cheating Cheers to the UK!
Allen Stanford loves “Get Rich Cheating”!
April 7, 2009
Chapter 28 of the book is called “Deny, Deny, Deny” and has le$$ons from the likes of Raphael Palmeiro, Ken Lay, Richard Nixon, and Eve.
Great Cheater Allen Stanford’s obviously read an advance copy, because he’s perfected the techniques outlined therein, right down to the tears:
Stanford denies fraud, threatens interviewer
Deceive Yourself Rich
April 2, 2009
The Cheater Says: Ladies, find yourself a good man. Make sure he’s a sorta-desperate creative type. Get a job in casting. Dangle that carrot in front of him forever, but never give him an audition for even the smallest role. That’s good cheating.
Oh, totally unrelated, Kreisler’s woman is the casting associate on the new Greg Mottola film “Adventureland.” Opens tomorrow. Everyone who got a role (this does not include Jeff) is going to be rich and famous.
Please don’t go see it.
Unfortunately…
April 1, 2009
… thanks to the jailing of Bernie Madoff, the admission of A-Rod, the buh-bye of Ashlee Simpson, and the where-he-at? of Tom DeLay… there is no more cheating.
Sorry.
Today’s Cheat: Art
March 27, 2009
Right here in lil’ ol’ Manhattan, “Art dealer held over $88m fraud.”
The Cheater says: Rich people are great targets for cheating!
a. They think they’re too smart to be scammed, and
b. as this student of my methods knows, they’ll never admit they don’t know a thing about art.
Ego + ego = easy pickings.
(Ironically, those who can afford to lose millions on art usually got those millions themselves by, mmm hmm, cheating).
Today’s Cheat: Hedge Funds
March 25, 2009
The Times reports that 25 Hedge Fund managers made $11.6 billion in ’08.
The Cheater says: Run a hedge fund!
Not a reserve of cash to pay your gardener, hedge funds are big green bales of cash separating the lawns of prosperity from the sidewalks of poverty. Their managers gets at least 1% of the value of the fund, regardless of how it performs, then another 20% of the profit.
Easy pickings:
Manage a $1 billion hedge fund, so get 1% ($10 million) off the top. If you make no money, take that $10 mill. Or, lie and say the fund made $100 million, then take 20% ($20 million) of that. Or, steal the whole $1 billion, and take the $10 mill, too.
(What do you do later when people question your numbers? That’s right, you restate your past financials, declare bankruptcy, get immunity from your Congressional friends, and move to Turks & Caicos!!! Hooray!)
You’ll be the envy of your smarter, more experienced, harder-working friends. Your poor friends.