Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
Carly Fiorina to Run for US Senate
The Cheater Says: Just like DeLay, she’s learned once you Get Rich Cheating in one industry ($42-ish million severance package after running Hewlett Packard into the ground), you use the notoriety to do it again (advisor to McCain campaign) and again (Senate run) and again (selling stolen baby organs).
Seriously, aspiring cheats, she got a huge severance… and she’s a girl!
The Cheater Says: Um, Merrill, B of A… ever heard of bribery? Justice may be blind, but she’s gotta pay the rent.
Lenny Dykstra Files For Bankruptcy
The Cheater Says: Dykstra writes a financial column for TheStreet.com… and now he’s bankrupt. Jim Cramer runs TheStreet.com and is about 50-50 on stock picks and famously admittedly to manipulating the market…
Seems like a good place to throw away your money. Some cheater will be there to catch it.
Al Franken wins U.S. Senate seat.
The Cheater Says: Using humor to gain celebrity; using celebrity to run for office; using counting shenanigans and the court system to win office; using office to make your friends rich… Brilliant!
“Private Banker Moved Funds Undetected”
The Cheater Says: Cheating: So easy, even someone from Sanford’s mistress’ home country can do it.
Sarah Palin’s Legal Debt is Over $500,000
The Cheater Says: Lots of ways out of this. Write a book. Sell back some clothes. Go on a fundraising junket. Done all that? Okay, file for bankruptcy. Northwest Airlines did it the day before they had to pay a $65 million debt to their pension… so why can’t you?
Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003.
The Cheater Says: Remember that Congressional testimony in 2005? You know, when he said he couldn’t speak English, then swore he never took ‘roids?
Standard cheating stuff: Cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in your butt.
Nevada Senator admits having an affair.
The Cheater Says: While adultery generally doesn’t lead to wealth (it usually costs you half), the fact that this Great Cheater rose to prominence – nee, Chair of the Republican Policy Committee – by bashing on Larry Craig’s sexual escapades, shows, again, that hypocrisy is an easy way to Get Rich Cheating.
BA ask staff to work a month without pay.
The Cheater Says: Got rumors of a struggling industry and an impossible job market? Yes? Well, go ahead and exploit your employees! What are they gonna do, get another job?
Ex-Chicago Bear Sentenced to Probation for Fraud.
The Cheater Says: Three important lessons in this great scheme:
– Sports isn’t just for steroids, kids. Think outside the box of needles.
– Probation does not = jail. Probation = slap on the wrist, while said wrist is counting money.
– He helped a friend get a $1.5 million minority contract for schools. Exploiting government bureaucracy, racial divides, and needy children!? That’s a triple cheat score!
A judge will allow Senate Ethics Committee to hear recordings between Burris and Blagojevich’s brother
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Florida State’s football team hears about it’s appeal on academic cheating.
The Cheater Says: Oh Judges, must you be so coy?
Burris! You didn’t bribe that one enough. I hope you do better with the Ethics Committee.
FSU! What’s that suggest for you regarding the booster-agent-alumni-authority money train? Get it rolling. Destination: You.
