Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
Ken Lewis Gets A $53 Million Retirement Payment
The Cheater Says: His pension is just made up of all his employees and investors pensions. After all, what’s a pension? It’s a system wherein the employee gives the boss money for “safekeeping.” Might as well give your little kids to the Catholic Church for “safekeeping…”
Executive Compensation Remains Awesome
The Cheater Says: … into the future.
I met Michael Moore this week, showed him who’s boss.
The Cheater Says: Damn right capitalism rocks! Money: The root of all good.
The Comedians interview some guy:
“If you’re a stand-up comic with a background in law and experience as a humorous business columnist, you could put together a book like Get Rich Cheating, The Crooked Path To Easy Street as Jeff Kreisler did, taking the liars and manipulators in politics to task, as well as sports and pop culture figures, and presenting the facts as a satirical guide that’s part infomercial, part indictment. Like his act, it’s as smart and funny as it is independent and direct in its message.”
The Cheater Says: What a jerk.
City of Miami Covers 3/4 of Cost for New Marlins Stadium
The Cheater Says: So, you want to give us hundreds of millions to build a stadium, but we get to keep all the income? In a housing-driven recession? In Florida? Hey bankers! I found the new bubble! Come on!
Bread and circuses, baby.
Congress May Force Bank of America to Testify
The Cheater Says: Hearing tips for a Great Cheater;
– Don’t get sworn in
– Plead The Fifth
– Wear a flag pin
– Have your wife (or a sympathetic actress playing the same) sit behind you.
– Your kids, too (if they’re cute, in a wheelchair, or have the whooping cough)
– Start answers with “Senator, I love freedom”
– Do not, under any circumstances, be a minority, a woman, or gawd forbid both.
Highlights of Financial Crisis internal emails
The Cheater Says: First of all, these aren’t even the best of ’em (those are in my bestselling how-to book). Second, these are awesome! It’s just too bad you can’t shred emails like you can everything else (union contracts, bribes, 401ks…).
Tea Party photo completely fake
The Cheater Says: Truth should never get in the way of a cheating agenda. Remember, aspiring cheats: People Are Dumb (and somebody somewhere believes this is an Adobe Photoshop conspiracy).
