Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
“Geithner’s New York Fed Told AIG to Limit Swaps Disclosure”
The Cheater Says: Loose lips sink ships, but secret, stolen, taxpayer money can buy your mistress collagen lips to be used as flotation devices. (Thanks to Aaron Task for the tip/advice).
“Wall Street’s 10 Biggest Lies of 2009”
The Cheater Says: You say “lies,” I say “lessons”… Potato, Poh-tah-to, Lies, Lessons… Let’s call the whole thing cash.
“What Iceberg? Just Glide to the Next Boardroom”
The Cheater Says: Gee, thanks NY Times, for reporting something to which I already dedicated an entire chapter of my book.
Not only did you steal my work (kudos!), but you make it seem like a bad thing. When it’s not. Director’s mobility and non-accountability is a really awesome thing.
Who sits on the Boards of Great Cheaters? Other cheaters. Who sits on their Boards? Other cheaters. And so on and so on and so. It’s like incest… which would explain how Worldcom got billions in fake profits… and webbed feet.
Some Holiday Scheer from the communists over at TruthDig.com
The Cheater Says: Not a bad way to get some cash. Scare the $$ out of ’em!
Straight from hard-hitting, in-depth coverage of Client #9, comes the NY Post’s latest venture in journalistic integrity:
The Cheater will be on Sirius/XM radio, Tuesday, 8 am EST, talking Tiger, Wall Street, and other holiday cheer.
“Me and Vinnie” Sirius ch. 108, XM ch. 139
Listen! Call! Love!
The Cheater Says: Really? Accenture? Formerly Arthur Andersen, the company that gave Enron accounting advice, then audited Enron’s accounting, then recommended that Enron hire Arthur Andersen as accounting and auditing consultants?
That Accenture?
The same one that changed its name to pretend it’s a new company, much like Blackwater is now XE, Philip Morris is Altria, and for some reason Lindsay Lohan is still Lindsay Lohan.
That Accenture?
I mean, headhunters tell jobseekers to delete Arthur Andersen from their resumes. They’re better off just putting “1997-2002: The Heroin Incident.”
Wow, Tiger. Accenture is taking a moral stand… on you.
The Cheater Says: People wonder why I haven’t said more about Tiger’s cheating. After all, I am the Cheating Expert.
Well, problem is, he’s doing it wrong. You’re supposed to Get Rich Cheating, not Lose Sponsorship Money (i.e. Get Poor) Cheating. I don’t want to teach aspiring cheaters through negatives – how does it help you act if I just say “Don’t fail like Tiger or Ghandi or Mandela”? I only offer you positive, inspiring role models like Madoff and A-Rod and Ken Lay and Ashlee Simpson and the usual.
Though, I admit, he does offer an interesting peak into the psyche of cheater… He didn’t just cheat once. He did it many times.
As you’ll all learn, the your first cheat is exhilarating – whether it’s infidelity, falsifying your SEC filings, rigging an election, getting cast in a tv show, or winning the Tour de France.
What’s even more exciting – what’s the real addictive impulse – is when you don’t get caught. It is that moment. Time will stop. You will be bathed in the light of knowledge and power as you realize the rules don’t apply to you, because there are no rules. Nothing can stop you from getting another $3 million bonus, another gold medal, another cocktail waitress. You will be transformed. You will be reborn. You will Get Rich Cheating.
I will be there to help.
Now, go forth, my friends, to victory.
