Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
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Lindsay Cheathan

March 9, 2010

Lindsay Lohan Sues E-Trade for $100 Million

The Cheater Says: The suit is over the company’s Super Bowl commercial when a talking baby named Lindsay is a boyfriend stealing “milkaholic.” Ms. Lohan claims it was modeled after her and that… hold it… she’s got the same one-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.

Go on, gather yourself.

Ya see people, while such outrageous claims may make a $100 lawsuit frivolous (is the name “Lindsay” or “Li-lo” or “Past-Prime” or “Sign-of-Apocalypse”?), they’re probably worth about a $5 million settlement. Got Rich Cheating.


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 8:44 am



The ABCs of Business: Always Be Cheating

March 5, 2010

Insider from ’98 Bailouts Says the System Isn’t Better

The Cheater Says: Duh. Long-Term Capital begat Enron begat Countrywide begat Goldman, Merrill, & AIG begat… you?


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 9:46 am



Cheating Wives for Lehman Brothers

March 1, 2010

Book Details Spending of Wives of Lehman

The Cheater Says: Yes, ladies – and nowadays, fellas, too – you can always just marry into money. But, you know what they say, “Marry a rich man, you pay for it the rest of your life.” Or, wait, that’s not it. It’s, “Money kicks a$$.”


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 3:33 pm



Home Is Where The Cheat Is

February 24, 2010

Mortgage Rescue Schemes On The Rise

The Cheater Says: Hmmm. More people taking advantage of those hurt by the housing market crash. A rise in the supply of false help for those hurt by a false rise in demand. I’ll re-word this several times over the next few days, or maybe make a graph. Point it, it’s awe$ome.


Filed under: Advice — @ 5:11 pm



We Don’t Accept AmericaExcheat

February 22, 2010

New Rules for Credit Cards Kick In Today

The Cheater Says: Okay, here’s a decent challenge. Read the changes above, and – for our fellow cheaters at the credit card companies – come up with two ways to get around each and at least three ways to cheat more money.
How’s about 3+% foreign transaction fees, raised annual fees for no reason, higher charge to vendors, locusts, hail, slaying of the first born… $ee! It’s fun!


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 10:57 am



Video Killed The Radio Cheat

February 10, 2010

Some clips from Get Rich Cheating Live at the Purple Onion in San Francisco:

The Cheater Says
: After you watch, you must go here to learn more, then hire me to teach you my secrets to unimaginable wealth. You mu$t!

Get Rich Cheating Live, San Francisco Sketchfest – Part 1 of 2

Get Rich Cheating Live, San Francisco Sketchfest – Part 2 of 2


Filed under: Advice,Shows,Video — @ 11:00 am



Cheat Power with Power

February 5, 2010

Senator Richard Shelby ($-Ala.) holds up government to get more money for his campaign donors.

The Cheater Says: Go, Shelby, Go! Don’t forget to: a) blame the Dems for not filling those positions, b) work as a lobbyist for the firms once you retire to “spend more time with your money,” and c) avoid looking yourself in the eye. Eye contact is for poor people.


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 11:38 am



Democracheat

January 17, 2010

Talking Head Suggests Cheating to Win Election

The Cheater Says: Duh. But I must admonish you, Ed. The first rule of Cheat Club is, “You don’t talk about Cheat Club.” The second rule of Cheat Club is, “You don’t talk about Cheat Club.” The third rule of Cheat Club is, “break all the rules.” So, actually, I guess you’re okay on this one. Carry on.


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 9:31 am



From the Mouths of Babes

January 14, 2010

Mark McGwire said, “The only reason I took steroids was for health purposes.”

The Cheater Says: I know everyone’s really busy setting up fake Haiti charities, slipping billion-dollar riders into the health care bill, apologizing for their 9-figure bank bonus, and shifting their late night lineup… but let’s never lose sight of what’s important – Being rich and famous makes you feel good.
Onward, fellow cheaters!


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 8:49 am



Shhhh, Don’t Say A Word…

January 7, 2010

Geithner’s New York Fed Told AIG to Limit Swaps Disclosure

The Cheater Says: Loose lips sink ships, but secret, stolen, taxpayer money can buy your mistress collagen lips to be used as flotation devices. (Thanks to Aaron Task for the tip/advice).


Filed under: Advice,News — @ 10:18 am



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