Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
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Reader Cheats

June 1, 2010

From the comments page:
“When I was in college I figured out how to get a free college history book, what I did was I ordered the book online then when to the store to pick it up, then I sent in my mom to pick up the same text book, now i had two text books, then the next day I returned the textbook for a refund, and I got to keep the other one.”

The Cheater Says: Neato. But that’s not really getting RICH cheating, now is it? More like getting 50 bucks cheating. Should you charge kids a 50% of their take and rent out malnourished “moms” from impoverished countries… and also run the publishing company, credit card processor, and university… then you’ll be on to $omething.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 6:59 pm

Cheater To The Starrs

May 28, 2010

Cracking Open Ken Starr, Hollywood’s Mini-Madoff

The Cheater: Hey, they got their money through cheating (yeah, like showbiz is based upon hard work & talent), so why not lose their money through cheating? All’s fair in love & cheat.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 8:28 am

Ah, Spring. When A Young Man’s Fancy Turns To Cheat

May 21, 2010

Landis admits doping, accuses Lance
Goldman/Lobbyist Revolving Door
“Campus ensnared by ‘life of deception'”
“Citing Affair, Republican Gives Up Seat”
“Inspectors Find Fraud At Centers For Children”
Whistle-Blowers Become an Investment Option for Funds

The Cheater Says: I love this time of year, when the cheater’s bloom. Cycling, lobbying, political sex, exploiting children, and, of course, high-end payday loans. Onward, Great Cheaters, to victory!

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 9:22 am

Who Could It Cheat Now?

May 19, 2010

Jail Reduces Allen Stanford Reduced to a Shell of Himself

The Cheater Says: Or… maybe, just maybe, that’s not him in jail. Hmmm? He cheated billions… don’t think he could afford a clone? Am I right, Bernie, Kenny-Boy, et al?

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 8:25 am

Confusion To Your Enemies

May 10, 2010

The NY Times complains that “It’s Complicated”

The Cheater Says: Duh. All great cheaters build a facade of complexity to create the illusion of expertise… doctors, lawyers, bankers, Latin scholars. Language should be a barrier to understanding. You can’t just say “This transaction is designed to circumvent regulation 10(b)vii.” Use small print, made up words, nonsense. Everywhere. Be Dick Cheney. Use terms and phrases that project an air of authority, but really mean nothing. “Global integration,” “Competitive balance,” and “Creative accounting” are just a few of the make-believe phrases that have gotten cheaters rich. Superfantastical!

Filed under: Advice — @ 9:13 am

Dear Goldman Sachs (Part 2): Spin, Baby, Spin

April 21, 2010

Spin this thing, Goldman, just like Great Cheaters Nixon (“When the president does it, that means it’s not illegal”), Belichick (“I misinterpreted the rules”) and Eve (“The snake made me do it”).

You weren’t “Lying bastards who profited from a secretive and unregulated market,” you were “Hedging your investments.”

The Cheater Says: Just some friendly advice to Stay Rich Cheating.
More to come and more here on AOL News.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 6:02 am


April 18, 2010

3 H.P. Employees Arrested in Germany in Kickbacks Case

The Cheater Says: Arrested in Germany in case involving Russian bribes? Sorry, Volcanic ash… you can stop the cheating!

Succes$tory: Carly Fiorina – now running for U.S. Senate – ran H.P. during these alleged crimes. In fact, she ran it so poorly they fired her, but, as any Great Cheater would, she got a $21 million severance package… and she’s a girl! (A guy would’ve gotten $24.2M).

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 6:39 am

5 Stages of Cheat

April 16, 2010

The Cheater Says: Hey Goldman, here’s a cheating tip, on the house (“first one’s free”).
Apply the 5 stages of grief:
DENIAL: “We don’t know what you’re talking about and we didn’t do it.”
ANGER: “We said We Didn’t Do It!!”
BARGAINING: “Oh, come onnnnn…”
DEPRESSION: “We’re upset you’d even think we did it.”
ACCEPTANCE: “It was Geithner!”

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 11:01 am

Trial of the Centurcheat?

SEC Charges Goldman Sachs with Fraud

The Cheater Says: This is going to be awe$ome. Hey, Goldman, I’ve literally got a book full of advice for you, from denials to self-investigation, Congressional hearings, legal defenses, and faking your own death. Hire me as a cheating consultant. It’s a win-win!
p.s. I know what you can afford.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 10:52 am

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Cheating

March 10, 2010

Trade Commission, Citing Deception, Sues Seven Job Placement Firms

The Cheater Says: Unscrupulous companies preying on the fears of the unemployed? Awe$ome!
Next thing you know, Payday Loans will get an exemption from Senate financial regulation. What? They are?! $weet!

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 9:53 am

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