Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
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Barry Out On Bond$

April 13, 2011

Giants Slugger convicted only of one wee count… obstruction

The Cheater Says: Mistrial on the other, real counts of lying to a grand jury. “Obstruction of justice?” Pfft, community service, maybe tape a Charlie Crist -esque apology. Point is, once again, if you cheat yourself enough money, you might get caught… but you Will. Not. Get. Punished. In the cost-benefit analysis – weighing the risks v. the rewards – there is no cost, there are no risks. So, please, friends, go out there and Get Rich Cheating.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 4:06 pm

Nobody Gets Puni$hed

February 26, 2011

Biggest Fish Face Little Risk of Being Caught

The Cheater Says: There are two le$$ons in this.
1. Go big, or go home. Small crime – like petty theft to feed a family – gets punished. Big crime – like scamming the country into ruin – doesn’t.
2. You might get caught cheating… but that doesn’t mean you’ll get punished cheating. In fact, getting caught cheating is just an opportunity to cheat even more. In China, the word “problem” is the same as the word “opportunity.”
We should listen to China: They have all our money.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 5:57 pm

Somebody Told WikiCheats About You

January 18, 2011

Ex-Banker Gives Data on Tax Evasion to Wikileaks

The Cheater Says: Don’t worry about it, cheaters, just do some not-at-all-guilt-ridden prep like Bank of America did. Remember, you can’t spell “making millions by cheating on your taxes” without “cheating on your taxes.”

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 9:38 am

Wham Bam, Thank You Cam

November 15, 2010

Auburn QB Cam Newton allegedly stole a laptop, cheated on exams, and extorted money for his football services

The Cheater Says: … and once he’s done making million$ for his college, the SEC, the NCAA, the BCS, the major TV networks and their sponsors, he’ll go make a a bundle for himself in the NFL. It’s a cheating win-win-winwinwin.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 9:53 am

New around here? Let’s cheat.

August 3, 2010

The Cheater Says: Hey, new friends. Wanna make A LOT of money?
– Read the blog
Buy the book
Attend the seminar

You’re welcome.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 12:17 pm

Land Of The Rising Cheat

July 7, 2010

Japan’s Sumos In Gambling Scandal

The Cheater Says: Good strategy… be so ingrained in the national identity that your cheating will be hard to accept. (“Got it” – MLB, counting receipts). Also, be 500 pounds. (“Mmmf mmfff” – Prince Fielder, stuffing his face).

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 6:17 am

Legal Defense Cheat

June 25, 2010

Sarah Palin’s Defense Fund Was Illegal

The Cheater Says: Just using the word “official” can raise $400,000? Who knew? (Answer: Palin)

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 7:17 am

Home for the HoliCheats

June 22, 2010

Mortgage Exec Charged with MultiBILLION Dollar Fraud

The Cheater Says: Remember, small time grifters, just plucking a few hundred or a couple thousand off of some desperate homeowners isn’t getting rich cheating… Aim high! If the scam amount doesn’t end in “illion,” it’s not worth trying.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 7:54 am

BP’s Got Friends In Cheat Places…

June 17, 2010

Rep. Barton (R – Softmoneyville) Apologizes To BP

The Cheater Says: Winners never quit, and quitters never win. Cheaters, however, own the police, the judge, the jury, the rule-makers, the purse-strings, the media, and that little thing dangling in the back of your mouth… what’s that called? Oh yeah, your $oul.

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 10:37 am

Cheating Death

June 10, 2010

Billionaire Pays ZERO Estate Taxes

The Cheater Says: There’s a year without estate tax. I’m not saying this is a good time to fake your death, passing all the money to your trustafarian heirs, then have them donate it to the Your-Name-Here Charitable Foundation… but consider it. Right, Ken Lay, Sam Isreal, Jimmy Hoffa, and that guy from Damages? Right$

Filed under: Advice,News — @ 7:59 am

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