Senators Opposed to Stimulus Secretly Beg for Government Cash
The Cheater Says: Good work boys, but, um, “secretly” implies “not in the newspaper,” so, um, shhh. Loose lips sink yachts.
Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
Florida Cheat Seminoles
February 7, 2010
FSU Football Team Vacates Wins Over Academic Fraud
The Cheater Says: Come on, guys. How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t get caught. At least the coach gets to keep his millions, as do the few players who made the NFL. As for those who just graduated… er, “left school”… without real knowledge or degrees: $orry. That’s college $ports.
Cheat Power with Power
February 5, 2010
Senator Richard Shelby ($-Ala.) holds up government to get more money for his campaign donors.
The Cheater Says: Go, Shelby, Go! Don’t forget to: a) blame the Dems for not filling those positions, b) work as a lobbyist for the firms once you retire to “spend more time with your money,” and c) avoid looking yourself in the eye. Eye contact is for poor people.
E-Cheat-NY Award
February 3, 2010
“Get Rich Cheating” has been nominated for Best Book by the ECNY Awards, the Oscars of Comedy!
The Cheater Says: We face strong competition, so, in the spirit of cheating, please vote early & often.
A.I.Cheat
“AIG Bonuses In 2010 Total $100 Million”
The Cheater Says: Pretty weak, AIG. You know the taxpayers gave you more money than that. Come on. It’s “Get Rich Cheating,” not “Get Upper Middle Class Cheating.”
Stockholm Syndcheat
January 22, 2010
Another great week for Cheating. Goldman earnings, bank bonuses, special elections, Supreme Court decisions, opposition radio network closings, late night TV host distractions, earthquake relief scams, plastic surgeries, home run apologies, and on and on. Yay!
The Cheater Says: I feel so good about the Cheating here, I’m going to pop over to Sweden to spread the word there for a few days. While I’m gone, don’t cheat anything I wouldn’t cheat…
Democrocheat Part Deux
January 21, 2010
“Supreme Court eases restrictions on corporate campaign spending”
The Cheater Says: $weet. Now “elections” can be more easily manipulated by those with money to make sure that those with money become those with more money.
Democracheat
January 17, 2010
Talking Head Suggests Cheating to Win Election
The Cheater Says: Duh. But I must admonish you, Ed. The first rule of Cheat Club is, “You don’t talk about Cheat Club.” The second rule of Cheat Club is, “You don’t talk about Cheat Club.” The third rule of Cheat Club is, “break all the rules.” So, actually, I guess you’re okay on this one. Carry on.
From the Mouths of Babes
January 14, 2010
Mark McGwire said, “The only reason I took steroids was for health purposes.”
The Cheater Says: I know everyone’s really busy setting up fake Haiti charities, slipping billion-dollar riders into the health care bill, apologizing for their 9-figure bank bonus, and shifting their late night lineup… but let’s never lose sight of what’s important – Being rich and famous makes you feel good.
Onward, fellow cheaters!
“I’m Not Here To Cheat About The Past”
January 11, 2010
Stealing the cheating limelight – on a day when Blagojevich claims to be “blacker than Obama,” Palin gets a TV deal, and Wall Street bonuses loom – Mark McGwire admits steroid use.
The Cheater Says: Then, using his Popeye arms and oversized, adult-acne’d head, he claimed that the Earth is round and Smurfs are blue… and wins this week’s Duh! Award for Excellence in Obviousness!
Seriously, we should honor this Great Cheater’s willingness to come clean so quickly. All it took was home run records, millions of dollars, stonewalling Congress, and, most importantly, another job offer.