Le$$ons from the Great Cheaters
Got a cheating story? Send it in!
Japan’s Sumos In Gambling Scandal
The Cheater Says: Good strategy… be so ingrained in the national identity that your cheating will be hard to accept. (“Got it” – MLB, counting receipts). Also, be 500 pounds. (“Mmmf mmfff” – Prince Fielder, stuffing his face).
“To Stop Cheats, Colleges Learn Their Trickery”
The Cheater Says: I’m not saying we should do everything in our power to outlaw and destroy these counter-cheating programs… but I’m also not not saying it. If you know what I’m not not saying.
“Priest, Stole $1.3 Million To Pay For Male Escorts”
The Cheater Says: Ooooh, all sorts of illegal, immoral, and fun in that one. Some sin, some thievery, a little debauchery. Nicely done.
The Supreme Court Narrows The “Honest Services” Law
The Cheater Says: Yes! This means Great Cheaters like Jeff Skilling, Ken Lay (may he pretend-to-be-resting in peace), Conrad Black, Blago, and the yet to be indicted are (more) free, to cheat what they want, any old time! Yes yes yes! We did it! We got our guys on the bench and they saw this through! Thank you Supreme Corp! U!S!A! U!S!A!
Oh, and the NRA gun rights ruling is pretty $weet, too. What a great day to be an American (corporation)!
Sarah Palin’s Defense Fund Was Illegal
The Cheater Says: Just using the word “official” can raise $400,000? Who knew? (Answer: Palin)
Abramoff, From Prison to a Pizzeria Job
The Cheater Says: Yeah, a pizzeria job… in Baltimore… I’m sure Jack won’t meet any unsavory types there, won’t make any “family” connections, won’t find anyone who could use his particular brand of bribing, cajoling, and cheating skills. In other words… Jack’s Back, Baby!!
The Cheater Says: … but she gotta pay the rent!
(Activist) Judge who struck down oil drilling ban has… wait for it… oil drilling investments.
Mortgage Exec Charged with MultiBILLION Dollar Fraud
The Cheater Says: Remember, small time grifters, just plucking a few hundred or a couple thousand off of some desperate homeowners isn’t getting rich cheating… Aim high! If the scam amount doesn’t end in “illion,” it’s not worth trying.
Bernie Madoff Still Hiding $9 Billion
The Cheater Says: Well, duh. What do you think he’s gonna spend once he gets a 2013 Palin Pardon? Better hope Patty Hewes doesn’t find out…
Officiating Decides NBA Finals and World Cup Match
The Cheater Says: Fair play is for losers… and poor people.
